Conversations with My Mother
Last week, calling from my great aunt's funeral:
Honey? I think we found you a husband.
Mom! You're at a funeral!
Lion, listen. He's nice looking, and Jewish, and is making very good money right now. Cousin Anne is over getting his e-mail for you.
What?? You're dragging cousin Anne into this? You just buried her mother!
Hey now. It was her idea. And a very good one, I might add.
Over breakfast this morning:
You know Lion, I think there's a lot to be said for Indian culture .
Indian culture. They way they do relationships.
You mean, arranged marriages.
I'm serious. Who knows you better than your parents? And, I have the time. You're so busy. And you know how I worry about you meeting men in New York.
Mom, I do have some judgment skills. I should be able to avoid the psychopaths.
Oh, honey, no. I know. I meant, I'm worried about you not meeting men.
I'm sorry! It's just, I know how you are. And New York is a very workaholic city. And I am going to want grandchildren someday.
Your Jewish is showing again.
It's just, I can't tell you how many Sunday Style announcements I read in the Times. They're all the same. Parents want to introduce the kids. Know they'll be perfect together. Kids resist for years and years. Finally, years later, they're tricked into meeting. 100% compatible. Love at first sight, always.
That's a nice story, mom.
Nice? It's tragic! Think of all that lost time they could have spent together! If they'd only listened to their mothers...